I have read the book The Secret Life of Bees to many times. It is about a girl who lost her mother at a very young age, and comes to learn her own purpose in life after running away from her abusive father to a town where her mother last visited. When she comes to a new town, she meets three sisters who make and sell honey for a living. Each one of these sisters is unique and beautiful. August Boatwright, a woman who is quiet and reserved, yet is more aware of what is happening than she lets on. June Boatwright, a headstrong and sometimes judgemental woman, but her heart is more giving when it opens up to others. But, my favorite character, and the one I relate to the most today is May Boatwright. May Boatwright was very young when her twin sister committed suicide. This event was so traumatic for May that she was never the same again. She was giving, and kind, and always willing to help out even the smallest of creatures, yet she easily was disturbed and upset by the negative events happening around her. When she would get upset, May would hum to herself and walk to wall outside her house, where she put a little bit of her heartbreak into the stone wall that she created. Today I feel like May Boatwright, humming a little and feeling too much without knowing how to fix it.

Days are sometimes difficult. They involve more stress than I can handle, and I often rely on others to support me instead of supporting myself. I spent most of the day trying to tell myself that I was a failure. I kept telling myself I was a failure because I don't feel like my life has had any meaning.

I was raped for twelve years by my grandfather. I was physically abused by my mother. These experiences are usually what affect me the most. I spend a lot of my time waiting around for someone to show up so I do not have to spend any time in my own head. I do not know what to do sometimes when I become so afraid of my own past that I want my future to disappear.

Today I have been working on a helpful exercise of learning to hum. Humming makes me feel at peace because it adds vibrations to everywhere in my body. I was reading about PTSD on Psychology Today, and it said that by humming you connect your vocal chords to your heart and stomach. By connecting to that area, I feel less stress and confusion and fear when I have racing thoughts or a panic attack.